sometimes love comes around/ and it knocks you down

My life lately has been moving pretty fast. At least, faster than the usual. I've been out a lot, mostly because Vince is here, and Yela is on summer break, and for some reason my parents are letting me go out more often. I think they're secretly relieved that I have actual friends.

So imagine my life. It's moving faster, and now, it is also spinning in dizzying circles. One of the reasons is that I can't decide what to do, what to be anymore. I mean, I have a general idea, but it's not helping me choose college courses. One of the other reasons is that I'm changing. I can feel it.

Other reasons would be... boys mess up my mind. I take back complaining about nobody liking me, because now I think two people like me, and they are awesome, but not for me. I feel bad. I mean, crushes make you crazy, and knowing the person I liked didn't like me back at all, that is terrible.

And the people I DO like, well, that's another problem. One is, well, just so adorable when he smiles, that I can't help wanting to know him. The other one is OH MY GOSH perfect if only he was the right age. And not kind-of-taken. I am a very patient person. I can wait. But when someone like that is dancing around in front of me, I feel like running away. And then I feel bad. Because I have a lot of time. And yet I want to cry.



Can everything just slow down for a while? Just until I catch my breath.

hold me tight/ tell me i'm the only one

VBS week and I'm knackered. In a having fun way. It's nice to have some routine, since being homeschooled is sometimes really boring.

Oh, last night was Cheska's debut. It was held at The Palms. Happy birthday, love.
It was fun to get dressed, put heels on, and celebrate something. In fact, though I've been in such a horrible mood lately, there are lots of things to celebrate.

- Miguel being back! Hi, mohawk-man. I kind of missed you.
- Vince coming to visit!
- Three different swimming days this month!
- Family day!
- Finding my own drawing style. I'm really getting there, and I don't feel like I'm copying other people so much anymore.
- Anthony. Really, you have made my day so many times. When I meet you, I will give you a great big hug.

I'm really kind of brain dead right now, but I just felt like I had to post this to show that yes, I still use this and yes, I am still alive.

Be back soon. <3

{Hold Me Tight - Across The Universe Soundtrack}

she said/ you're a masochist/ for falling for me

8:00pm, McDonald's - She likes him. She has dibs, because she knew him first.
But I have quivers.
Quivers.
See, I can't even cut my chicken.
NOOOOOOO! NO QUIVERS! NO SHAKING! I don't want to like him! I don't! Crushes complicate things!

Drat. I don't really like him, just because he's cute.

Great. I do. I know it. It might be small, it might be passing - it might disappear as soon as I learn he doesn't like to read, or doesn't like milk, or cardigans, or he likes hip-hop - but at the moment, it is making my hands shake. And it is quite inconvenient.

NO!!!

8:51pm, The Bench Outside Starbucks - But he smiled at me. That's a good thing, right? And he was looking right at me when he smiled. Do people smile at people they don't like, even a little bit? Unless, oh no. Our OG topic today was about love. What if that was his topic, too? What if he's practicing loving the unlovable? What if he's really good at it?
Does he like her back, you think? Because that is not entirely improbable. Unless he likes to actually get a word in while his wife is speaking. I mean, would he be the type to like her? Why did she happen to like the guy who was the first person I thought I would like since, well, last last Christmas? What are the odds??

He must be very likable, I mean, that's why I thought he was very nice.
I've been thinking about it all day now, and it is driving me crazy. I thought about it in--- Omg, the security guard just asked me if I had a lighter. A lighter? I look like the kind of girl who has a lighter? Oh gosh, I do! I probably look like some depressed juvenile delinquent who listens to The Used and who didn't comb her hair and smokes outside the mall! I can't help it if my hair looks like this, it's windy! WHY WOULD HE THINK I COULD POSSIBLY HAVE A LIGHTER?

That is like, horrible.

I must remember to not skulk outside Starbucks anymore.

This is probably all going to go away soon. I have other things to think about. Just because he is a musician, and has that smile... It's only been two weeks. I will see the light.

10:43pm, Home - So I haven't been posting regularly, and I apologize. It's just that I've been getting very disappointed with my writing, and I've also been on Tumblr a whole lot. I love it, you see. It's nice to find people who like the same things you do, and it's awesome. It's also daily inspiration, and I've just been havng so many beautiful ideas for art and photography. I've been papercutting lately. Here's the most recent one:



I can't wait for that someday.

{Masochist - Ingrid Michaelson}

put your eyes to my eyes/ put your knees to my knees

I haven't been here in a while, it seems. But it has only been a month. Hahahaha.

Anyway. I was determined that my next post should be pictures of my birthday, only no one has given me any pictures yet. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting, and nothing.

I wish I had my own camera, it would be so much easier to post photos of my birthday before the next one comes around.

*sigh*

Oh well. I have other things to show you though! I had these developed recently and I like them very much.

This was at Montemar:


The boys:


This is Joe, I think:


My sister. She poses for me a lot:


Driving home. I was ecstatic to see McDonald's:


It took almost 10 minutes of convincing to get Ina to lie down here:


I'm off to eat breakfast. Pancakes, mmm.

{Simple As It Should Be - Tristan Prettyman}

dancing on the kitchen tiles/ it's all about you

This week was very weird.

On Wednesday, I wanted to watch American Idol, so I went to turn the television on at 6, and Idol wasn't showing. I thought, "Well, that's strange." And so I waited and waited, and it didn't show. At all. Let me tell you, when a show is not showing at its usual time, it's like The Twilight Zone. And when it didn't show at all, I was so confused. I ended up taking a bath and finishing in time to watch Kyle XY.

So the day after that, I decided to check my YM. I almost never check my YM anymore, bacause I never run into the people I want to talk to anyway. When I opened it, a message popped out, saying that Miguel would like to add me to his contacts. And I was like, "okay, cool," until I thought, "Isn't he already my contact?" So I scrolled down and found out - I couldn't scroll down. I had no contacts. None. I freaked out and thought, "What the heck??" I logged out and went to bed.

Today, I borrowed Ina's shuffle when I went to the mall. Because, you know, lugging a Discman around is hard work. My bag is heavy enough. I found out that she put some vintage McFly in, so I was happy listening to that, and when I Wanna Hold You came on, I sang along to it. Which didn't work. Because all the lyrics I knew were wrong. But I distinctly remembered that the version we had before our hard drive was obliterated was like, burned into my memory.
I was seriously confused.


Also, this week I dreamt about a guy I sorta know, twice. TWICE. And in BOTH dreams, he was so rude to me. SO RUDE. And I wasn't even talking to him, really. Actually, I never talk to him, so now I have to erase these fake memories, or else when I see him I might start staring him down, or worse.

Aghhhhh!

(Edit:
- AI was on the next day. Weird, I know. I still don't know why.
- I checked my YM the next day, too, and it was all back to normal. Thank goodness.
- I searched the web, and it turns out they had two versions. One from the Wonderland album, and a second version when Just My Luck came out.)

My brain is so so tired.

[It's All About You - McFly}

out of my mind/ and out of time

Well. The weather has officially taken a turn for the worse. It is now... The Dry Season.

This is only nice when you are near a large body of water.

Anyway, some good things:

- My brain's creative processes are at an all-time high. in other words, I have very vivid daydreams. My family shakes me a lot.

- It's almost my birthday! I don't really consider that a good thing, but I am having a small party for my girlfriends, and I love planning parties.

- I just heard McFly's newest album, and though I like the old ones more, their vocals and new, super thick guitars make me happy. Hahahaha. You've improved, guys! Yay.

Bad things:

- Ina only downloaded that album. I need the real, actual one. The one with a case. With the paper sleeve.

Sometimes the guilt just overwhelms me.

I am still amazed at Hugh Jackman's Oscar number. It was kind of amazing.

{Falling In Love - McFly}

be careful what you wish for/ you just might get it

My sister and I decided to have a Valentine shoot:








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Heehee. It was kind of fun.

The rest of the photos are on my multiply.

You know what? The people who weren't happy with my hair were the girls who didn't like their own hair. Do we do that? Live vicariously through other people's hair?

Anyway, just to tell you, I'm not missing my hair yet. This flippy thing my short hair does is kind of cool.

{When I Grow Up - The Pussycat Dolls}